Don Shula may have gagged on his porterhouse steak after watching Tom Brady eviscerate the Miami Dolphins secondary in a 38-24 Patriots victory on Monday night.

Brady blistered Miami’s secondary for a career-best 517 yards passing, along with four touchdown tosses in the opening Monday Night Football voyage of the season.

He fell just 37 yards short of tying the all-time passing yardage mark held by former Los Angeles Rams quarterback Norm Van Brocklin, who threw for 554 yards in 1951 versus the New York Yanks.

Amongst Tom Brady’s ridiculous accomplishments on Monday night included an NFL-record tying 99-yard touchdown pass to Wes Welker that sealed up New England’s win.

The Patriots totaled 622 yards passing, which is a new team record.

Next Sunday, New England welcomes Philip Rivers and the San Diego Chargers into Foxborough. Defensive back better take out some insurance.