The NFL’s 104th season kicked off on Thursday night with the Detroit Lions stunning the shorthanded Kansas City Chiefs…but the real fun began on Sunday with a 14-game slate that saw some stunning performances including Tua Tagovailoa going berserk against the Chargers.

THE NICKEL PACKAGE: FIVE QUICK HITTERS FROM SUNDAY

1. Tua and Tyreek zoom past the Chargers: When we last saw the Los Angeles Chargers, they were blowing a 27-0 lead in the wild card round to the Jacksonville Jaguars. While Sunday was not as a steep a fall, the Dolphins sent the Chargers tumbling to another second half collapse. Despite being staked to a pair of four point leads in the fourth quarter, Justin Herbert and the Chargers fell under the weight Tua Tagovailoa and Tyreek Hill, who exploded to give Miami a victory. Tagovailoa threw for 466 yards and three touchdowns. Meanwhile, Hill caught 11 passes for 215 yards with two touchdown receptions. Respectfully to Justin Jefferson, Hill is the best receiver in football. Remember, before Tua’s concussion issues started last season, the Dolphins were 3-0 and he was averaging over 300 yards per game passing. If Tua is cookin’, the eating will be good in the neighborhood for Hill.
2. The Multi-Million Dollar Man goes bankrupt in Cleveland: For some reason back in the late 80s, Hulk Hogan always referred to his enemy, Ted DiBiase, as the “Multi-Million Dollar Man” – a play on his moniker as the Million Dollar Man. After last week’s news, the NFL has its newest Multi-Million Dollar Man – Joe Burrow. Unfortunately, putting pen to paper on a record-setting five-year, $275 million contract was the highlight of Burrow’s week. The Bengals were held to a measely three points in a 24-3 loss to Cleveland. Burrow’s offense sputtered. He finished 14 of 31 for 82 yards. For all Burrow’s brilliance, solving the Browns has been a missing piece of his puzzle. The Browns have won six of their last seven games against the Bengals.
3. The 49ers mean business: The Steelers had some preseason buzz after a strong close to the ’22 season. The 49ers came into Pittsburgh and said enough of that. The Niners cruised to a 30-7 victory to further stamp themselves as a Super Bowl contender. Christian McCaffrey rumbled for 152 yards including a 65-yard score. Pittsburgh’s offense was limited to 295 yards and sacked five times. Brock Purdy looked sharp and connected twice with Brandon Aiyuk on scoring tosses.
4. The Cowboys also mean business: Sunday Night Football was treated to a massive blowout as the Dallas Cowboys crushed the New York Giants 40-0. Tony Pollard scored twice for the Cowboys, who also scored on defense and special teams. Daniel Jones – another one of the new offseason multi-millionaires – got nothing going for the Giants. The Cowboys sacked Jones seven times and needed just 265 yards of total offense in an easy victory. This was biggest opening day win for the Cowboys over the Giants since 1995 when they blanked the G-Men 35-0 in 1995. That was a notable year in Cowboys history. It was the last season they won the Super Bowl.
5. Jalen Hurts played his worst game in a while…and the Eagles still won: The Eagles thought not playing their starters in the preseason while having two new coordinators was a good idea. After leading 16-0 behind two Patriots turnovers, the Eagles offense stalled out by only scoring nine points over the final three quarters (shoutout Jake Elliott). Meanwhile, the Eagles D nearly allowed the Patriots to complete a comeback in front making a defensive stand to prevent a New England rally in front of Tom Brady.

THE GOAT COMETH:

Speaking of the GOAT, Sunday marked the first time since 1999 (!!!) that Brady wasn’t on an NFL roster. Among the cooler moments on Sunday, the Patriots honored Brady at halftime and announced they were waving the four-year period to get in the Patriots Hall of Fame. He will be inducted on June 12, 2024. Prior to being honored on Sunday, the seven-time Super Bowl champ donned the #12 one more time and took his famous run into the end zone with Jay Z playing in background. For one day, the King returned home.

THE BEARS HAVE A NEW OWNER:

“I still own you!” – Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers quarterback, to Chicago Bears fans in 2021.

“I own you now!” – Jordan Love, new Green Bay Packers starting quarterback, to Chicago Bears fans probably after yesterday’s 38-20 win.

GENO MEETS AARON:

During the Rams’ impressive 30-13 win over Seattle, defensive tackle Aaron Donald paid a visit to Geno Smith. The Seahawks quarterback gasped “OH MY GOD” as the future Hall of Famer charged at him. We’re with you, Geno.

ROOKIE WATCH:

Yes, Falcons running back Bijan Robinson scored. Jordan Addison caught four balls for 61 yards and a score for the Vikings…but how about Rams receiver Puka Nacua? The BYU rookie was targeted 15 times and it paid off. He hauled in 10 passes for 119 yards. Ace receiver Cooper Kupp is out until at least Week 5. Nacua’s ascension could be a key until Kupp returns.

CALEB WILLIAMS POWER RANKINGS:

1. CARDINALS
2. BRONCOS
3. TITANS
4. BEARS
5. SEAHAWKS

OVERREACTIONARY SUPER BOWL CONTENDER POWER RANKINGS:

1. 49ERS
2. COWBOYS
3. EAGLES
4. DOLPHINS
5. CHIEFS

NEXT WEEK’S MAIN EVENT:

The Cowboys face a man who has routinely beaten them…Aaron Rodgers and the New York Jets.