Random Nonsense

Stalkers In 7: Facebook Breakup Notifier App Helps You Stalk Crush

Creepers and schemers around the world scored a major victory on Tuesday with the arrival of the new Breakup Notifier app companion piece for Facebook.

The new gadget allows Facebookers to track the relationships of their selected crushes and then, receive notification when the apple of their eye becomes single.

I can see it now.

Brett, Chad, and Brad will all target Kaitlyn, who will eventually breakup with her doting, but massively underachieving boyfriend.

Upon receiving their BreakupNotifier.com notifications, a scene similar to that of last summer’s LeBron James sweepstakes will ensue with the three guys trying to woo the young lady.

Incredibly, this program’s creation was based off a real-life situation. Along with his future mother-in-law, Dan Loewenherz (the app’s creator) conspired to setup his fiancee’s sister with a man who was already in a relationship.

The mother-in-law thought it would be cool if she knew when the aforementioned gentleman hit the free agent pool.

The rest was history.

This is why dating and relationships are basically a cousin of sports in this era especially. Guys and gals are always being scouted as if they’re about to participate in the NFL Draft Combine.

Yes, that’s right. Whoever is reading this, there is a scouting report about your dating potential.

It may not be put together by Mel Kiper or Ourlads, but don’t get it twisted. Whether it is a mother, father, sister, or big brother, someone is watching you.

This is especially true for the guys and girls who are “platonic friends.” However, that is another story for another day.

Today, the bad guys won.

Meanwhile, it’s a scary day, for you know, normal people.


Yep, it’s official.

We are a nation of creepers.

P.S. If Tom Brady had a real FB page, I don’t think Bridget Moynahan would use this app.

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