Just when it appeared there was going to be a slight lull in non-lockout related news, leave it to Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams to save the day.

Williams is suing Brooke Daniels, the 2009 Miss Texas USA, for not returning his engagement ring after he MAILED it shortly before Valentine’s Day in February.

That wasn’t the only thing in the package.

He also mailed her $5,000 for school and dental bills; a taped wedding proposal; a baseball for her brother; and of course, the ring.

Good god.

Allow me to go crazy for a moment…

WHO THE HELL MAILS A $76,000 ENGAGEMENT RING WITH A TAPED WEDDING PROPOSAL??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

Ok, back to normal.

I find several things wrong this. Let me count the ways…

1. The Humphries Scale: Kris Humphries ruined engagement rings for all athletes by buying a $2.5 million rock for Kim Kardashian. Williams is on a slightly higher player scale than Humphries, right? Then again, maybe he knew the lockout was coming and did the wise thing by shooting low for an athlete on the price.

2. The Message: Here is my guess on what Williams said in his taped proposal:

“Remember last year when I said Tony and I would be the next Montana to Rice? Well, I was going to be right until Tony screwed it up by getting hurt. This year, it will happen. I can feel it. So, I think you better hop on this train before it leaves the station. I want to wife you up. I’m anxiously awaiting your answer. By the way, if you say no. It’s over. No pressure.”

3. Tony Romo: He should have learned from his teammate. When the Jessica Simpson thing went south, Romo got out.

4. Be Proactive, Not Reactive: Based off of accounts from Michael Daniels, Brooke’s father, they weren’t the happiest of couples. This appeared to be some last ditch effort to save things.

5. Reading Is Fundamental: Roy should have read this.

After Williams realized his proposal fell short, he inquired about getting the ring back from Daniels.

She stated that the ring was lost.

Reportedly, Williams had some choice words for the woman he lived with for roughly a year after the failed engagement.

According to Daniels’ father, Williams told her, “‘I’m not like a lot of people, I don’t want the ring back. You’ll eventually come back to me.”

You’re going to be waiting a long time Roy.

Currently, Daniels is dating University of Houston infielder David Murphy.

The actual court affidavit for the Williams case can be found here.

UPDATE: The ring was returned to the Williams camp over the last 24 hours.