Pigskin Ponderosa

Sunday Pigskin Ponderosa: Rex Ryan Is Unhappy

Good thing Rex Ryan left the guarantee business. 

We’re at the first mile marker of the NFL season with four Sundays in the books. The Texans, Cardinals, and Falcons are still among the unbeaten.

BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE WEEK: RYAN TANNEHILL GOES FOR OVER 400 YARDS AGAINST ARIZONA. 

The Arizona Cardinals were totally due for a letdown after consecutive rousing victories over the Patriots and Eagles. Enter the Miami Dolphins, who accomplished very little this season other than putting people to sleep.

Tannehill flipped the script on Sunday by throwing for 431 yards against a formidable Miami team, just one yard shy of the all-time rookie record for most passing yards in a game.

It wasn’t enough though. Kevin Kolb pieced together a game-tying drive late in the fourth quarter.

Arizona won in overtime, 24-21.

NOT-SO BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE WEEK (tie): ST. LOUIS DEFEATS SEATTLE; SAINTS FALL TO PACKERS

The football gods came calling in St. Louis.

Days after committing a theft job in Seattle against the Packers, the Seahawks offense struggled again to score in a 19-13 loss to the Rams.

Golden Tate, America’s favorite push-off artist, caught one pass for seven yards.

In Green Bay, Drew Brees threw for 446 yards and three touchdowns. However, Aaron Rodgers proved to be just as good.

Rodgers amassed 319 yards and threw three touchdown passes. Green Bay shook off Monday night’s debacle to beat a winless Saints team.

Incredibly, the Saints 0-4.

BEST POST-GAME PRESS CONFERENCE: REX RYAN 

The 49ers dissected the Jets, 34-0, on Sunday. Much to the dismay of head coach Rex Ryan, the Jets could get nothing done against San Francisco’s defense.

The game’s biggest highlight turned out to be Ryan’s dislike of his team’s performance. His post-game presser was honest and insightful.

His “recipe” for ass-kicking included turnovers and a blocked punt. He could have cut to the chase and said the 49ers were just a better team. However, that would be too easy.

BEST REENACTMENT OF A MIAMI VICE EPISODE: NEW ENGLAND SCORES 45 POINTS IN THE SECOND HALF AGAINST BUFFALO.

Trailing 21-7 in the third quarter, New England scored SEVEN times in the second half to seize control of the game en route to a 52-28 triumph.

Tom Brady threw for 340 yards and posted three touchdown passes with another one on the ground. Rob Gronkowski and Wes Welker each shook off first half fumbles to tally over 100 yards receiving. Meanwhile, Stevan Ridley and Brandon Bolden each rushed for over 100 yards.

This game reminded me of the Season 4 cliffhanger of Miami Vice. A dirty cop believed he discovered Sonny Burnett’s true identity (Vice cop Sonny Crockett). Seemingly trapped, it appeared Burnett was sunk.

Not so fast. Burnett turned the tables on his enemy and shot him dead. Sounds like Sunday’s Pats/Bills game to me.

By game’s end, New England gained 580 yards of total offense and regained order in the AFC East.

WORST EXECUTION IN FINAL MINUTE: CAROLINA PANTHERS

Carolina held a one-point lead with :59 seconds left in the fourth quarter.

After a sweet special teams play, Atlanta was forced to start their biggest drive from their 1 with no timeouts at their disposal.

If you’ve watched football in those circumstances, you’ll commonly hear a few refrains from announcers regarding how defense should be played:

1. Don’t let receivers get deep.

2. Try to get plays in-bounds so the opponent can’t preserve time on the clock.

Atlanta’s first play was a 59-yard bomb to Roddy White.

Next, Matt Ryan threw an incomplete pass. That was promptly followed by a defensive pass interference and a pair of sideline throws to open receivers (Tony Gonzalez and Harry Douglas).

Carolina’s inability to execute those two principles cost them the game.

Matt Bryant kicked a game-winning field goal and Ryan told the Panthers to get the eff of his field.

HEAD COACH MOST LIKELY TO HAVE FANBASE POTENTIALLY KNIFE HIM: ANDY REID 

The next edition of Dynasty Tracker will cover this in more detail but Andy Reid will never win any popularity contests with Eagles fans.

Sunday night saw Reid begrudgingly cede control of his offense to LeSean McCoy and the running game. McCoy accounted for 123 yards on the night (121 in the second half).

Reid’s greatest offense came in the closing seconds. Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes missed a game-winning 54-yard field goal. Philadelphia appeared to be on their way to a 3-1 record.

Reid decided to ice the kicker first and answer questions later. Tynes got another opportunity because of Reid’s timeout. Once again, Tynes missed, coming up yards short of a victory.

Philadelphia held on to win 19-17.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR NEXT WEEK: THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Next Sunday in Foxborough, Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos visit Tom Brady’s New England Patriots in one of the week’s marquee match-ups.

Enjoy while it lasts football fans. We don’t have many Brady-Manning match-ups left.

Elsewhere, Philly faces Pittsburgh in the Battle of the Keystone State.

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