Even more than Manning and Brady, whom have been in the NFL since Lyndon B. Johnson was in office as President of the United States?
Alas, it’s time to live blog!
8:35 – Dallas grabs possession first and it’s a whole lot of Joseph Randle. If you’re not familiar with Mr. Randle’s work, he was formerly the backup of the now-departed DeMarco Murray and once a thief of cologne and underwear.
8:38 – Romo completes a pass to tight end Jason Witten, CUE THE FEELS FOR ROMO AND WITTEN.
8:44 – Dallas’ marathon opening drive engulfs nearly the entire first quarter as Easy E looks on from the sideline. It culminates with Romo missing Bryant on a fade pattern in the end zone. Dan Bailey hits a chippy field goal to finish off a 16-play drive. At this rate, this game will be over by 10.
COWBOYS 3, GIANTS 0
8:51 – There’s some old-timey golfer sitting in Tony Romo’s box at the game. Has a striking resemblance to this guy…
8:55 – Well, well, well. Jennings receives a pardon after a review of the turnover. His elbow was down.
8:57 – Odell Beckham Jr. tries to catch the ball and gets annihilated by J.J. Wilcox. Ball flies out but it’s ruled incomplete. Cue Jason Garrett unreasonably challenging the play. He’ll lose this in about 30 seconds. Beckham never had complete control of the ball to begin with.
8:59 – While this play is under review watch former Giant great Carl Banks rock ex-Cowboys quarterback Danny White.
9:02 – The Giants win the challenge but can’t do much more with the drive and need to settle for 3.
COWBOYS 3, GIANTS 3
9:09 – Oh my god. Sensory overload in the last 90 seconds. First, a commercial featuring Europe’s Final Countdown airs, which is followed by a promo for next week’s Seattle/Green Bay game featuring James Brown’s amazing song “Payback.” Give me a few. I will process all of this.
9:12 – In unrelated news, Dez Bryant headed back to the locker room to deal with dehydration.
9:21 – What is Jason Garrett doing? Eli completes a pass to tight end Larry Donnell and the ball comes out at the end of the play…a la the Dez Bryant catch.
9:25 – Garrett wins the challenge…but he is out of challenges with well over a half of football left. Was that REALLY worth it Coach G?
9:34 – Dez drops an easy 3rd and 3 in the red zone. Dallas has to settle for another field goal. Either Dez was thinking about throwing up the X in the end zone…or he was thinking about that assassin Brandon Meriweather, who just happened to be nearby.
9:39 – The Giants continue to struggle and Odell Beckham Jr. has yet to make a catch…Elsewhere, tonight marks the conclusion of the Miss America pageant. This is only noticeable because the effervescent Vanessa Williams is the host.
9:42 – Two minute warning time in Dallas with the Pokes deep in their own territory.
9:47 – Julian Edelman adjace (aka Cole Beasley) gets stripped near midfield and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie scoops and scores. Wow, that came out of nowhere. Incredibly, the Giants have possessed the ball for just eight minutes but lead with just under minute left before halftime.
GIANTS 10, COWBOYS 6
9:51 – The first play from scrimmage after the fumble return, the Giants intercept Tony Romo in Dallas territory. This collapsed quickly for the Cowboys.
9:56 – New York can’t do much with their prosperity…but get another field goal. Dallas is playing such a blah, blah, blah, blah, first half.
GIANTS 13, COWBOYS 6
HALFTIME: It’s too bad Dallas doesn’t have a head coach that could turn the paint on the walls into different colors by screaming. The Cowboys sure could use a tongue lashing after such a lame first half.
10:07 – Per the Europe reference earlier, this is the greatest use of The Final Countdown ever:
10:15 – If you’re joining us late, here is a quick summation of the game from Cowboys fans:
10:19 – Ten plays and counting for New York’s opening third quarter drive. However, the Giants can’t put the spike in Dallas’ heart yet. It’s another Josh Brown field goal attempt.
GIANTS 16, COWBOYS 6
10:25 – The Cowboys need a big play…and 2014 DeMarco Murray but not 2015 DeMarco Murray because he will probably turn into rubble by December.
10:31 – DRC gets flagged for pass interference, which moves the ball to the NYG 2.
10:33 – The Cowboys cash in…Romo to Gavin Escobar.
GIANTS 16, COWBOYS 13
10:34 – Four extra points were missed around the league today. It’s going to be hilarious when someone misses one in a critical spot during the playoffs. While you mull that over, here is a Vine of Tony Romo’s tackling effort on the DRC fumble return.
10:45 – Dallas ball after the Giants are unable to generate anything. Momentum is wearing a star for the moment. However, the Cowboys still trail at the end of the third quarter.
10:52 – This is a weird game. Dallas is so much better than the Giants talent-wise but are (at least for tonight) seemingly better coached.
10:56 – Astute analysis from Grantland’s Bill Barnwell in light of Odell Beckham Jr. being held in check:
11:00 – It’s been awhile since I’ve watched a game with this many critical drops from wide receivers on both sides. New York’s Preston Parker kills a drive with a drop deep into Dallas territory on a very catchable ball from Eli.
11:05 – Uh oh. Assassin Meriweather strikes again. He pops Devin Street (Dez is on the bench getting his ankle checked out), the ball flies in the air, and is returned by the Giants for a touchdown. Oh baby. New York deserves to win this game. They are just playing harder.
GIANTS 23, COWBOYS 13
11:08 – The touchdown return is reversed and marked at the Dallas 1. Rashad Jennings punches it in from 1 to return it to a 10-point game for real.
GIANTS 23, COWBOYS 13
11:13 – Dez Bryant is done for the game with an apparent foot injury. Meanwhile, Dallas rolls down the field and caps a 76-yard drive with a short TD throw to Jason Witten. Ladies and gents, we have a game.
GIANTS 23, COWBOYS 20
11:20 – Already down Dez, there is this news for the Cowboys on rookie pass rusher Randy Gregory:
11:23 – A bizarre sequence with the lead official repeatedly asking for a clock reset leads to a big third down conversion by the Giants and OBJ.
11:31 – Dallas’ Jeremy Mincey commits a backbreaking personal foul penalty to give the Giants a fresh set of downs in the red zone. Barring an amazing reversal of fortune, the Cowboys are DOA.
11:33 – Oh lord. Dallas was offsides on a 3rd and 14. It doesn’t matter because Dallas gives up a 16-yard gain to OBJ. This is over, baby…unless the Giants kick a field goal.
11:37 – The Giants kick a field goal.
GIANTS 26, COWBOYS 20
11:38 – An extremely fair point here from Boomer Esiason. The Giants just pulled a boner on that third down from the Dal 1. SHOULDA RUN IT:
11:39 – Dallas starts from their 28 and hit a pass out to midfield to start the drive.
11:40 – Oh god. Dallas is running train down the field. Already at the NYG 19.
11:42 – Thanks for playing New York. Romo drops the snap, picks it up, and throws a TD to Jason Witten with eight seconds left. How hard is to cover Witten? Somehow the Giants can’t do it. Just a disgraceful job by the Giants in the final five minutes. Leading 23-13, YOU CAN’T LOSE THE GAME.
11:46 – Time of NYG death.
FINAL: COWBOYS 27, GIANTS 26
Summary: Let’s check in with Giants fans right now…
Welp, I think we can agree both of these teams have a long way to go.
Let’s get everyone back to feeling good about themselves. Here’s Vanessa Williams to close out the night.
Talk to you next time.