8:00 – Andrew Luck, RG3, and Trent Richardson appear to be the first three picks of the draft.
8:03 – NFL head honcho Roger Goodell is greeted with a mixture of boos, cheers, and indifference. He reminds us that the Colts are on the clock….
8:06 – Duh. Shocking.
1. ANDREW LUCK, QB, STANFORD – INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
Synopsis: Best of luck, Andrew. The Colts are dreadful, which of course is why they are picking first.
8:07 – The Irsay family poses with Luck, who will be compared to Peyton Manning in just about every way imaginable until he wins a Super Bowl.
8:10 – The Redskin pick is in…just look at the socks of RG3:
Synopsis: Good for Washington. Having a QB is rather important in football these days. Redskins have suffered enough from watching Jason Campbell, Danny Wuerfell, and Jeff George of the world over the last decade.
8:13 – I’m digging RG3’s powder blue suit.
8:16 – Rapid fire! Cleveland’s pick is in already.
3. TRENT RICHARDSON, RB, ALABAMA – CLEVELAND BROWNS
8:20 – Jim Brown LOATHES this pick.
Synopsis: Cleveland’s hands were tied. They needed an offensive playmaker and this was the right call considering their starting running back from last season was rumored to retire and join the CIA. However, he’ll play four games against Pittsburgh and Baltimore. Not fun.
4. MATT KALIL, OT, USC – MINNESOTA VIKINGS
8:28 – Jon Gruden likes this pick, just like every other pick that will be made tonight.
Synopsis: A logical pick by Rick Spielman and company. Minnesota’s lines needed an upgrade and the offensive line was first on the docket.
5. JUSTIN BLACKMON, WR, OKLAHOMA ST. – JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
Synopsis: Jacksonville wisely traded up from the seventh pick to grab Blackmon, who gives Jacksonville tremendous help at the wide receiver position.
8:37 – Everyone is trading!!!
6. MORRIS CLAIBORNE, CB, LSU – DALLAS COWBOYS
Synopsis: Role call of NFC East receivers: DeSean Jackson. Jeremy Maclin. Victor Cruz. Hakeem Nicks. Yep. Good job Jerry.
8:43 – Just wanted to remind you that if Miles Austin caught that pass last December, the Giants would not be Super Bowl champs. Signed, Bitter.
7. MARK BARRON, S, ALABAMA – TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
Synopsis: Tampa’s defense allowed 494 points last season! Secondary help, yes please!
8:47 – GruDog just called Barron, “Red Barron.” Oh boy.
8. RYAN TANNEHILL, QB, TEXAS A&M – MIAMI DOLPHINS
Synopsis: Does Miami need a QB? Umm, yes and no. Tannehill played 19 games at quarterback and was a former wide receiver. Then again, no one wanted to play in Miami, so Tannehill it is.
8:51 – Tannehill is getting serenaded with chants of overrated. I mean, the eighth overall pick is a bit high for a guy with 19 starts right?
9. LUKE KUECHLY, ILB, BOSTON COLLEGE – CAROLINA PANTHERS
Synopsis: CAM. WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CAM. I’m pro-Panthers. Kuechly is a tackling machine.
10. STEPHON GILMORE, CB, SOUTH CAROLINA – BUFFALO BILLS
Synopsis: Buffalo will be able to rush the quarterback but can they cover the pass? Wise move by the Bills though. That’s a Patriots pick.
9:03 – I can’t stand Twitter tonight. Peeps are one or two picks ahead of the pack. Not cool. Stop spoiling my fun!
11. DONTARI POE, DT, MEMPHIS – KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
Synopsis: Poe has a lot going on there. Hair. Bling. Hair. Bling. A combine monster, Poe will be a physical presence for the Chiefs.
9:07 – The Eagles have traded up to 12. Seattle, thanks for the help.
12. FLETCHER COX, DT, MISSISSIPPI ST. – PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Synopsis: The Eagles go with Cox at 12. This pick gets the Jim Washburn stamp of approval. Cox will bounce around the line in the Wide 9 technique. I like it….well, except for this fun fact.
9:18 – Cox might be the best hugger in the draft.
13. MICHAEL FLOYD, WR, NOTRE DAME – ARIZONA CARDINALS
Synopsis: Nicely done Arizona. Since the Cardinals don’t have a legit quarterback, the easiest way to fix that is by stacking wide receivers.
14. MICHAEL BROCKERS, DT, LSU – ST. LOUIS RAMS
Synopsis: No shock here. A Jeff Fisher team goes defense with its first pick. Line play baby.
15. BRUCE IRVIN, LB, WEST VIRGINIA – SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
Synopsis: Mayock says he has “explosive get-off.” LeSean McCoy has a different opinion:
9:38 – Basically, Bruce Irvin has off-the-field issues.
16. QUINTON COPLES, DE, NORTH CAROLINA – NEW YORK JETS
Synopsis: In case you haven’t guessed, everyone is a great athlete. Coples has an on/off switch. Oh lord. No pressure, Quinton.
9:46 – Carson Palmer pick.
17. DRE KIRKPATRICK, CB, ALABAMA – CINCINNATI BENGALS
Synopsis: The SEC raid continues. Kirkpatrick runs a 4.5. Mike Wallace and Torrey Smith do not. Problems ahead in Cincy.
9:52 – I’m using this break in the action to grab a bowl of Apple Jacks.
18. MELVIN INGRAM, LB, SOUTH CAROLINA – SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
Synopsis: Mel Kiper’s best value pick in the draft can do a little bit of everything. Plays the run, rushes the passer, sells popcorn, etc.
9:57 – Gruden and Kiper LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this pick.
19. SHEA MCCLELLIN, OLB, BOISE STATE – CHICAGO BEARS
Synopsis: Another edge linebacker that can rush the passer. Aaron Rodgers, that one is for you.
10:03 – In other news, the New England Patriots have traded up to the 21st spot. PASS RUSHER ALERT!
20. KENDALL WRIGHT, WR, BAYLOR – TENNESSEE TITANS
Synopsis: One of RG3’s primary targets lands in Tennessee. Can’t blame them. Kenny Britt is crazy.
21. CHANDLER JONES, DE, SYRACUSE – NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Synopsis: Alas, the Patriots have their prized pass rusher by trading up in the first round for the first time since 2003.
22. BRANDON WEEDEN, QB, OKLAHOMA ST. – CLEVELAND BROWNS
Synopsis: But I thought they were into Colt McCoy? Well, they need a backup plan in case James Harrison concusses McCoy again.
23. RILEY REIFF, OT, IOWA – DETROIT LIONS
Synopsis: Here’s one way to prevent a “Madden Curse.” Select an offensive lineman to protect Matthew Stafford so that Calvin Johnson doesn’t end up catching passes from the ghost of Chuck Long.
24. DAVID DECASTRO, G, STANFORD – PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Synopsis: DeCastro joins a line that features center Maurkice Pouncey. I dig the pick. Too bad they don’t have a significant running game at the moment.
25. DONT’A HIGHTOWER, LB, ALABAMA – NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Synopsis: The Pats trade up to strengthen the Belichick/Nick Saban bond. By the way, Saban is in attendance. Anyhow, the Patriots should just keep drafting defensive talent. They need it.
26. WHITNEY MERCILUS, DE, ILLINOIS – HOUSTON TEXANS
Synopsis: My bucket list of places to be includes heading to a place where someone is an NFL Draft selection. That has to be a good party right?
27. KEVIN ZEITLER, G, WISCONSIN – CINCINNATI BENGALS
Synopsis: High upside. Sorry, but I had not typed that phrase yet tonight.
10:45 – No one is coming up for air in this first round…
28. NICK PERRY, DE, USC – GREEN BAY PACKERS
Synopsis: Green Bay’s defense was somewhere between horrifying and embarrassing for a defending Super Bowl champion. The rebuilding process begins…
29. HARRISON SMITH, FS, NOTRE DAME – MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Synopsis: I’m not sold on all of this Notre Dame love. They haven’t been that relevant since Brady Quinn left and they were barely relevant in that instance.
30. AJ JENKINS, WR, ILLINOIS – SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Synopsis: Rookie wide receivers on contending teams? Eh, I don’t know about that. Is Jenkins going to be a factor in January if the Niners are back again? Not in love with that pick.
31. DOUG MARTIN, RB, BOISE STATE – TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
Synopsis: Since Tampa lost the Trent Richardson battle, they’ll settle for Doug Martin via a trade with Denver.
32. DAVID WILSON, RB, VIRGINIA TECH – NEW YORK GIANTS
Synopsis: Brandon Jacobs is a 49er and busy getting involved with death races; therefore, the champs opted for a running back.
11:00 – The end. A draft that only lasted three hours concludes with the champs building their running back depth.
11:18 – Everyone is going to apply needless grades to this without any supreme justification. Meanwhile, tonight’s draft proved further that the quarterback runs the NFL. Five defensive linemen were taking along with a host of pass rushing linebackers.
The message is clear.
Rush the quarterback or die.
Categories: NFL Draft