Dynasty Tracker

Eagles Dynasty Tracker – Week 9: Rock Bottom

In an effort to follow the Eagles on their Manifest destiny of self-purported greatness, I’ll hit the road to enjoy the Delaware Valley on NFL Sundays. We’re back over the bridge again…

Week 9: Rock Bottom Restaurant – King of Prussia, PA

The Scene: One of my side jobs is to dabble with the youths of America. Yes, I’m a teacher. As luck would have it, I have a class on Monday nights that precluded me from getting to the game right at the beginning. Little did I know I probably would have been better off driving up and down I-476. 

Menu: Honey BBQ Chicken sandwich with bacon & fries (I tell you what…this team stinks but I’m eating well). 

Game: Philadelphia at New Orleans. Two alleged NFC heavyweights turned lightweights get it on in the Big Easy. 

I owe you the reader an apology. Weeks prior to this game, I had a Philly dive bar in mind for Eagles/Saints.

After some deliberation and the allure to find something a bit closer to where I was working, I opted for another option.


It was roughly five minutes away from work. In the immortal words of the late Lakers announcer Chick Hearn….”SLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM DUNNNNK!!!!”

Can you think of a better place for photo ops, shaky food, and football?

Oh yeah. Their waitresses are moderately attractively too.

As I got into my car and began to head there, a sudden reign of moral fiber reigned over me. I started thinking about how dumb it would look to post photos from Hooters.

Something about it just felt foolish to me.

After some deep reflection in the days following the game, I realized you deserve better.

You deserve an A effort.

Morals and self-consciousness be damned.

You deserve Hooters and by golly, I’m going to do my best to give it to you by season’s end.

Of course, if I don’t come through, you always have Al Gore’s creation called the “internet” to surf for chicks.

My alternate option for the evening turned out to be Rock Bottom Restaurant, attached to King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvania.

As one could imagine, the crowd was light for a Monday night game. Considering the Saints’ struggles and those of the Eagles, the crowd wasn’t exactly jazzed to see the woeful New Orleans defense fend off the equally impotent Philly offense.

The collection of Eagles fans on hand were quite tepid. Sitting directly to my right was some inebriated guy wearing head to toe Eagles gear. He was trying to impress his friends about how he had drinks with Duce Staley once.

The fella was trying to whole humble brag gimmick with his friends but that fell flat. Seriously dude, Duce hasn’t been relevant since 2002.

Then, you had a husband and wife wearing their names on the back of their Eagles jerseys. That drives me crazy. I’ve covered this before but that’s a no-no. It screams insecurity and it’s probably a cover that you may be a fraud fan. Pick a player and wear his jersey. It’s that simple. Bob and Susie, you’re not on the team.

None of these people appeared moved by the Eagles and another beating. With the bar and Eagles lifeless (the halftime fluff interview with Mitt and B.O. didn’t help either), I did what any other red-blooded American would do when feeling bored and helpless…I checked my iPhone and Twitter, in particular.

You know if I’m trying to tweet at Brian Dawkins about him coming back, things have gone terribly awry for the Eagles defense.

At one point, I tweeted to sports talk radio host Tony Bruno that I would gladly trade the current state of the Eagles franchise for the history and prior success of Dallas and Washington.

Mr. Bruno didn’t smile upon this.

Better to have won, than never to have won at all in my opinion.

Dallas and Washington possess some of the biggest gasbag fans in the NFL but their teams were mighty successful back in the day.

Philadelphia conversely lacks the same portfolio.

Unfortunately, this run of ineptitude can make the average Eagles fan delusional and longing for some sort of success.

Speaking of success, the Eagles certainly didn’t have much in the first half. At halftime, they trailed 21-3.

End scene.

This game was over and everybody in the bar knew it. As is the case with most bars that play game audio over its loud speakers, once ESPN went to break at the half the music played and played some more.

Shortly before the Eagles and Saints returned to the field, Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers blared in the background.

In a way, that tune appears to a suitable theme song for a team that has stunk up the joint for four games in a row.

Shoulda gone to Hooters. At least the scenery would have taken my mind off of this dreadful football team.


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