The Indianapolis Colts have been living, eating, and sleeping New England Patriots Football since the Brady/Belichick run grew its wings in 2001.

Their unhealthy obsession with the Patriots led to the ridiculous “Deflategate” saga that caused the NFL to suspend Tom Brady four games because he harmed the sport’s integrity or some other nonsense.

Now, Brady and the Patriots have to come to Indy to kick ass and chew bubble gum…and they are damn sure out of bubble gum.

8:08 – The Colts remind me of Glenn Close’s character from the film Fatal Attraction. Attractive, easy on the eyes, but underneath crazy as hell. Don’t get in a relationship with them or they’ll cook your pet rabbit.

THEY WILL NOT BE IGNORED.

FIRST QUARTER

8:30 – As a point of reference, I have Bob Socci and Scott Zolak on as well. I’ll report how many times Zo threatens to whip the Indy front office. Indy’s Griff Whalen opens up the proceedings with a kick return and gets blasted. Game on.

8:37 – Colts drive running up to five minutes plus…Good mix of runs and passes. Luck isn’t doing a ton so far. Reacting quickly.

8:41 – Indy goes for it on 4th and 1 from inside the Patriots’ 10. Luck to Moncrief for 6 to beat Super Bowl hero Malcolm Butler.

COLTS 7, PATRIOTS 0

8:46 – The best game plan for Indy tonight…

8:47 – Brady is greeted to a serious chorus of boos…

8:51 – New England drive features mostly quick, short passes. Rinse, repeat.

8:57 – Welp, Indy’s defense doesn’t exactly carry out the momentum. Brady leads the Pats on a 10-play, 80-yard drive and caps with a touchdown strike to Julian Edelman despite getting blasted by D’Qwell Jackson.

PATRIOTS 7, COLTS 7

8:59 – This is tweet is incredulous:

I’m sorry. Show more backbone than that Colts Nation. You can’t let Patriots fans overrun the building.

9:03 – The Colts go three and out on their next drive. Already, a moment of truth for the Colts. They can’t let the Patriots start dictating tempo.

9:07 – Post TD Catch. The hand of Julian Edelman:

Gross.

9:09 – The first quarter concludes with one notable injury. New England loses another left tackle. This time Marcus Cannon, who leaves with a toe injury.

END OF 1: PATRIOTS 7, COLTS 7

SECOND QUARTER

9:13 – Brady underthrows Keshawn Martin downfield but Martin adjusts to make a 39-yard catch into Indy territory. The drive stalls though after the Patriots miss a 3rd and 5. Gostkowski on to kick a 40-yarder.

PATRIOTS 10, COLTS 7

9:16 – Patriots fans are not putting up with ESPN’s nonsense. I can confirm this picture is inaccurate.

9:21 – Colts grab a first down but the drive doesn’t stick. Instead, Luck was hurried on third down. PUNT.

9:26 – Those faulty hands of Julian Edelman cost the Patriots dearly. Edelman bats a ball up in the air and its intercepted by Mike Adams. Returned for 6.

COLTS 14, PATRIOTS 10

9:28 – That’s Brady’s first interception of the season. We really need to come up with something better than an interception if the receiver screws it up. Baseball has official scorers. The NFL needs something along those lines.

9:31 – Colts go surprise on-side and don’t get it…or do they? Donte Moncrief comes out of the pile with the ball but the officials say its New England ball. Hmmm…New York gets a call for a review.

9:33 – Not enough evidence to suggest Indy recovered. Honestly, they did but no pictures actually proved that.

9:37 – YOU DON’T SMOKE THE BLOUNT, THE BLOUNT SMOKES YOU. 38-YD TD rumble by the big fella.

PATRIOTS 17, COLTS 14

9:49 – Speaking of getting smoked, the New England run defense isn’t doing all that great either. Frank Gore has found the fountain of youth in the first half as the Colts find themselves inside the NE 10.

9:52 – Colts come back with an answer. Luck to Hilton on a short TD toss as the QB stepped up into the pocket. Fun first half so far.

COLTS 21, PATRIOTS 17

9:55 – The way New England’s D is playing tonight, Patriots might need a 40-spot to win it. Brady to Amendola on a throw into Indy territory ushers us into the two-minute warning. Time for a commercial break from Tom Brady’s least favorite soft drink!

10:06 – Patriots almost sneak out of the first half with a touchdown to regain the lead but Scott Chandler gets called for offensive pass interference in the end zone. Thus, the Patriots have to settle for 3 rather than 7. Indy sits on it to close the first half.

HALFTIME: COLTS 21, PATRIOTS 20

THIRD QUARTER

10:27 – Moments after Michele Tafoya informs the country that Colts safety Mike Adams is out with a hamstring injury. Rob Gronkowski runs wild in the Colts secondary for a touchdown to open the second half. New England back on top.

PATRIOTS 27, COLTS 21

10:36 – New England forces a punt after a great open-field tackle by Malcolm Butler against Moncrief.

10:39 – However, the Patriots can’t take advantage and we get the first punt of the evening for New England as Ryan Allen emerges.

10:46 – The Colts start a journey to midfield but a Patriots sack ends their momentum.

10:47 – How dope is this picture of a young Bill Belichick as an assistant with the Baltimore Colts?

10:51 – Colt Anderson stops Amendola from getting a first down on a 3rd and 10 with the Patriots backed up.

10:58 – The Colts attempted maybe the most insane play in the NFL history. More to come…

11:04 – This is flat out dumb. Colts just lost the game because of this.

END OF 3: PATRIOTS 27, COLTS 21

FOURTH QUARTER

11:05 – LeGarrette Blount scores again…but on a TD pass from Tom Brady. If I’m a Colts fan, I’d ask for a refund.

PATRIOTS 34, COLTS 21

11:09 – Andy Hart from Patriots Football Weekly…

Agreed.

11:13 – I’m still stunned by that call. Let’s get a closer look. I have to be missing something.

11:16 – Bill Simmons, please help.

11:16 – Meanwhile, Blount is in to try to bring this game to a close. However, Brady gets stonewalled on a 3rd and inches try near midfield. So, the Colts are alive…barely.

11:25 – Chandler Jones comes up with another sack after basically being a silent party in the first half. He has 2 1/2 sacks. New England gets the ball back with just over six minutes left. Patriots will be looking for that death score.

11:30 – Patriots can’t generate anything near midfield. Brady gets sacked on third down, which if anything helps New England because it keeps the clock with moving with roughly five minutes left.

11:39 – The Colts’ drive into Patriots stalls near the red zone as Luck misses on some key throws. The rather immense lady is just about ready to sing.

11:48 – Andrew Luck’s race against time continues. The Colts are still down 13 with just under two minutes left.

11:52 – After seemingly 50 tries, the Colts finally draw closer and cost folks a ton of money by scoring a late touchdown on a Luck throw to Whalen.

11:53 – Jamie Collins hops over to the offensive line on the PAT attempt and blocks it! An incredible special teams play to keep the score at seven points.

PATRIOTS 34, COLTS 27

11:55 – Gronk recovers an onside kick and finally, the Patriots put away Indianapolis.

FINAL: PATRIOTS 34, COLTS 27

SUMMARY: It wasn’t a bloodbath that the New England region was looking for but slow torture is sometimes better. Now, Chuck Pagano will have a lot of explaining to do after one of the worst ideas in recent NFL history. The Patriots are still undefeated and the Colts are still chasing their tail.

Goodnight folks.