The final football game of the 2015 NFL season has arrived.
Super Bowl 50 is here.
6:18 – The NFL completes their tribute to every Super Bowl MVP, which was fantastic. Of course, those low class Broncos fans booed the hell out of Brady when he appeared.
6:29 – My Dad on Lady Gaga – “She’s kind of a weirdo, right?” Or unique. Take your pick.
6:32 – Lady Gaga just won my Dad over. That’s how great she was. Tremendous effort. Let’s play some football, y’all.
6:34 – Oh wait, one last thing…
NOW, WE’RE READY!!!
6:36 – Panthers win the toss and opt to defer. Broncos ball first.
6:39 – The media lovemaking that will take place if Manning wins….
6:44 – Manning hitting some throws early, which was key. Denver in Carolina red zone.
6:46 – Denver picks up three first downs on their first drive. However, a bad run to Ronnie Hillman gets snuffed, which is followed by two straight incomplete passes from Manning. Brandon McManus time.
BRONCOS 3, PANTHERS 0
6:52 – Panthers get the ball for the first time. Newton overthrows Philly Brown on an easy first down toss. Oops. A Greg Olsen reception is short of the first down and it’s time for our first punt of the day.
6:58 – Denver returns the favor by going three and out after Carolina’s D holds up on short yardage situations.
By the way, shout out to The Jeffersons for that George and Weezy reference.
7:02 – We have our first challenge. Newton to Cotchery results in a bobbled catch but the officials call it incomplete. Riverboat Ron would like to have a word. That’s a catch.
7:09 – The Broncos get a major gift when the officials decide to not overturn the call. Moments later, Von Miller strips sack Newton and Denver scores. Woah boy.
BRONCOS 10, PANTHERS 0
7:12 – Panthers aren’t handling things well at the moment. Rattled as hell. Newton missed an open Ted Ginn by two feet.
7:14 – Aqib Talib gets an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for taking his helmet off, which keeps a Carolina drive alive.
7:15 – Denver’s D holds up. Punt time.
7:20 – Uh oh. We have a Luke Kuechly sighting. He blows threw the Denver offensive line on a third down for a sack of Manning.
7:23 – End of the first and the Panthers appear to be showing a pulse at least at the moment…
END OF FIRST: BRONCOS 10, PANTHERS 0
7:25 – I think he’s trying but it’s not that easy…
7:32 – The Panthers get going thanks to some running by Newton. Then, Aqib Talib goes into the ZONE and by the ZONE, I mean that in the most negative way possible. He nearly kills Philly Brown by tackling him by facemask. Seconds later, Jonathan Stewart dives in from the 1.
BRONCOS 10, PANTHERS 7
7:37 – Riverboat Ron definitely feels like officials are trying to screw him. Manning gets touched but is allowed to throw an incomplete pass. He challenges.
7:39 – RBR wins the challenge. Then, Manning sends Demaryius Thomas on a mission over the middle and he gets killed by Luke Kuechly….almost literally.
7:49 – After a Denver punt, Panthers dial up the dumbest playcall of the day. Ted Ginn tries to throw a pass to Newton. It results in a loss.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.
Panthers don’t pay attention to the punt return by Norwood and for some reason think he’s calling for a fair catch. Instead, he sets off the longest punt return in Super Bowl history near the CAR 20.
7:52 – Broncos have to settle for three after a failed red zone possession, which includes a holding penalty after they get a 4th and 1.
BRONCOS 13, PANTHERS 7
7:57 – Mike Tolbert fumbles for the second time but this time it’s actually recovered by Denver this time…
8:04 – Manning gives it back with a terrible interception in Carolina territory. This is not the greatest of Super Bowls.
I mean, this isn’t necessarily wrong.
8:06 – Carolina can’t do anything with that drive because of the Denver pressure. Oof.
8:09 – You’ll never believe this but Denver just went three and out again.
8:13 – The natives are getting restless…
8:17 – Newton looks exhausted. Panthers can’t run the ball effectively but he’s getting pounded.
8:20 – Halftime has arrived with the Panthers just running out of gas in the last two minutes. Newton appeared to be hurt, tired, or both. Plus, the Panthers had no clue how to deal with the final moments of that game.
HALFTIME: BRONCOS 13, PANTHERS 7
8:53 – Carolina opens up with a 45-yarder to Teddy Ginn. Game on….PLEASE?
8:59 – Denver holds yet again after the Panthers can’t convert from the Denver 25. Graham Gano misses a field goal off the upright. If Carolina wins this game, geez…
9:02 – The mistakes are piling up for Carolina.
9:07 – Broncos used a couple of completions to Emmanuel Sanders to get in Carolina territory but once again, the drive stalls. Field goal time.
BRONCOS 16, PANTHERS 7
9:11 – Cam Newton hits Brown on a 42-yard toss in Denver territory. Here we go again…
9:17 – Newton hits Ted Ginn in the hands and of course, T.J. Ward intercepts it off the deflection. Ward fumbles but Denver recovers.
9:18 – This game is a mess.
9:23 – A Denver punt results in another personal foul but this time on Carolina. They are in major trouble. Nutcracking time is near for the Panthers.
9:30 – This Super Bowl Baby commercial….
9:32 – Let’s just hit the reset button on this game. Terrible.
END OF THIRD: BRONCOS 16, PANTHERS 7
9:36 – Right as Jim Nantz begins to pen his Super Bowl love letter to Peyton Manning, he gets strip sacked. Carolina recovers.
9:37 – THEY HAVE TO SCORE ON THIS POSSESSION.
9:40 – Peyton Manning’s stat line:
9:43 – Bradley Roby gets away with pass interference to stop a Ted Ginn first down catch. However, the Panthers finally get back on the board.
BRONCOS 16, PANTHERS 10
9:50 – Manning is putting together a terrible performance. Another three and out.
9:54 – Carolina goes three and out. Only 7 minutes left but I’m not sure either team deserves to win. Despite Denver’s defensive heroics, their offense has been awful.
9:56 – I love while this dumpster fire of a game is going on, Marshawn Lynch just retired.
10:00PM – Cam Newton just fumbled away Super Bowl 50.
10:05PM – Josh Norman commits a kiss of death penalty that leads to a CJ Anderson touchdown run. Goodnight, drive home safely.
10:22 – Carolina’s Time of Death.
FINAL: BRONCOS 24, PANTHERS 10